She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
