I think my vagina is haunted
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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