She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
