i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
