I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
