fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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