my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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