Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i barfeds in our rink
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
