dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm really busy with my period
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