Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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