My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
