My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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