make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
