oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
