awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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