He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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