So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
