You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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