So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
