Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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