Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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