ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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