forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
