Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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