If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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