My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
where are you?
Hypothermia
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
