Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
