yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
