you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
