life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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