Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
