Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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