how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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