Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
