Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
