A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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