"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
