Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
