Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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