And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
