he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
