cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
