I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
