U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
