She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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