is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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