grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
