He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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