anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
