i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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