THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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