Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
