Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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