I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
